Things To Think About

While sitting at home after deciding to work from home (yea right) and searching for music on MTV i decided write on here to cure my boredom

Anyway, before i start kicking Lak's ass at NCAA Football 2007 i am going to throw a grab bag at ya


1) Welcome to Wiffle ball spring training...it's virtually 2 nice days away from sore elbows and thrown out shoulders...ah spring

2) The Greatest Playoff in sports is upon us...George Mason....thank god for Underdogs....Go Missouri Valley


3)I wanna know what the odds are on Colt Brennen or Graham Harrell going No. 1 overall

E.T.

The Great Debate

Like great debates of the past--Drew Bledsoe or Rick Mirer, Peyton Manning or Ryan Leaf, Eli Manning or Phillip Rivers, and Vince Young or Matt Leinart this new Brady Quinn or JaMarcus Russell debate is a risky one. As everyone knows the NFL Draft is not an exact science. How players turn out is almost random at best, depending mostly on the right or wrong situations (example: no one thought Ben Rothlisberger would do so well but he was picked by a great team in the Pittsburgh Steelers at the 11 spot because they were devastated by injuries the year before, right place right time).

So the Oakland Raiders have been on the clock pretty much since September. They face this new debate over whether to take Russell or Quinn or do what they should do and trade down.


I'll start with Brady Quinn, who's been the golden boy for the Golden Domers since he signed his letter of intent. He was an average college quarterback at best in the West Coast system of coach Ty Willingham. Then when Charlie Weis introduced his new Pro System, Quinn had a great season breaking many Notre Dame passing records in the process. However, his production worsened in 2006 compared with 2005. Also, when Quinn has played against very athletic defenses with many players heading to the NFL, he's struggled. Against USC, Michigan, and Ohio State he's a combined 2-6 (his wins were against Michigan in 2005 and 2004). In addition to that he's 0-3 in bowl games, with his only decent bowl game against Ohio State where he went 29/45 for 286 yards (most of those were garbage yards at the end of the game) and no touchdowns or picks. So against worthy foes Quinn has been pretty lackluster.


Then there is JaMarcus Russell. It seems like the only quarterbacks LSU has had recently are big strong guys that look like they ate too many crawdads. His production has improved each and every year he has played, but in big games against good, quality defenses he hasn't fared much better than Quinn going a combined 3-5 against teams like Auburn, Florida, and Georgia. He has, though, gone 1-1 in bowl games, including the Tigers bitch-slapping of Quinn's Notre Dame team this past January. And unlike Quinn, Russell has played well in both of his bowl games (against Iowa in 2004 and Notre Dame in 2006).

The Brady-Russell Question is one that will be asked over and over again by coaches and owners in war rooms, and there is no answer. Quinn could either be the next Joe Montana or the next Rick Mirer, and Russell could be the next Daunte Culpepper (Randy Moss Era) or the next Rohan Davey (exactly). But this one thing is for certain, Houston will find out who the best player is, and then they won't pick them.

lak attack

Rapper's Delight (With Christina/Britney Side Note)

Now don't get me wrong, I am the occassional fan of rap music. In fact, some of it is great, but a lot of it is in actuality terrible music. Most of beats to the songs are ripped off from some place. It also happens to be probably the most egocentric form of music.
I saw the VCast commercial with "Fergalicious" the other day and it made me think how rap is the only form of music where someone can get away with making the chorus to the song their own name. No other brand of music would let you get away with that. Like, you'd never hear John Mayer record a song called "I'm John Mayer ... J-O-H-N John Mayer ... all the girls on the planet are digging me ... I'm so sexy and so handsome and there's plenty to see ... I'm J-O-H-N John Mayer." Wouldn't happen.

Sidenote

I've always been in love with Christina Aguilera, but, hey, did you ever think you'd see the day when Christina Aguilera was much prettier, sexier AND cleaner-looking than Britney Spears? Me neither. Britney won the battle, Christina won the war. Who woulda thunk?

The Art of Asian Pitching: Quick and Efficent

Yesterday i was surfing ESPN.com, which is what i do every day instead of work (which could be detrimental) and came across Tim Kurkjian's article reviewing the Red Sox pitching rotation which as he sees it is:



Daisuke Matsuzaka - The biggest thing to hit America from Japan since the PS2
Josh Beckett - High ERA last season, but a proven winner
Curt Schilling - Still
Jonathan Papelbon - Last Year's Closer
Jon Lester - Cancer is in Remisson
Tim Wakefield - Knuck-yo-mother

With an outside chance of Roger Clemens in the summer

What about the Yanks?

Mike Mussina and Andy Pettitte are the big most recognizable names.

and you have this Asian:

Chien-Ming Wang - Proud graduate of Taipei Ti Wu University and owner of 19 wins and a 3.63 ERA..Can he repeat?

But then there are these guys:

Kei Igawa and Jeff Karstens...who?

So the main question of the most overblown rivalry in all of ' American' sports is, who going to be the better "Asian" pitcher this year Chien-Ming Wang or Daisuke Matsuzaka? (In thinking that the pitcher's team with the better record will win the division, since it's not automatic anymore that the other team will get the wild card, thank you tigers) Those of us that stayed up till 4 am to watch Matsuzaka pitch in the World Baseball Classic know that he's got some nasty stuff, that was helped developed by whacky Japanese Scientists. Wang with 19 wins last season is the early season favorite. But what will make them successful is their ability to adapt day in day out, year in year out to the best hitting on the planet...and couple guys from canada

E.T.

Crappy Bull Shit

I hate CBS sports

I try to avoid CBS like the plague when it comes to sports...well anything for that matter. I cringed when i came to the realization i was listening to Simm and Nantz last Sunday. They are extremely behind the times, The SB was their first Football game in HD.....c'mon pick it up. CBS is the NHL of TV networks.

Every graphic is ugly, every announcer is overly repetitive and vague, and there is no WOW factor. It makes me feel like i'm at my grandma's house, equipped with doilies and collector spoons.

James Brown is probably the only person on CBS i like, and i'm just being generous. Shannon Sharp, Dan Marino, and Boomer as for them, i feel like they have accomplished less in their pro careers after appearing on CBS.


I'm not going to watch the pro-bowl this year, just like last year and year before. I was thinking about watching it but CBS decided to pick it up, which is fitting because No One Wants to play in the ProBowl, so no one should watch it.

Is it bad that it makes me angry and ruins my night when i remember that March Madness will be broadcast on CBS? probably. I can't wait for CBS to cut out of a game that is in double OT for me to see the tip off of a 1 vs. 16 seed that is 10 miles closer to me in proximity...love it

But as for the rest of you sports buffs, i will keep enduring the Columbia Broadcasting System

E.T.

Sports Anthropology

For pretty much every decade (except I couldn't think of one for the 1970s) there has always been a sports star that just personifies the decade they were in. This won't be lost on future historians. Fifty or 100 years from now social anthropologists will look at our popular culture to try to understand the zeitgeist of the time. Much in the way that people look at Muhammad Ali to help explain the turbulent 1960s. Here are a few examples:

1)1920s-George Herman "Babe" Ruth--Babe Ruth was the Roaring 20s. When the nation was achieving staggering feats economically and socially, the Babe was doing the same thing on the ballfield. The nation was making money hand over fist and Ruth was smashing home runs the likes of which hadn't been seen before (when Ruth set his record of 60 home runs in a season the player in second had 9, 9!). Eventually, Ruth (and the country) became fat and corrupt until they both reached a point where they just collapsed.


2)1940s-Ted Williams--Teddy Ballgame was perfect for the 40s. The nation was pulling themselves out of the Depression and started to enjoy themselves again, and he provided the show. The prototypical blue collar player played pretty much everyday (even the famous time he played the 2nd leg of a double header when he didn't have to and he was risking his chances at baseball's Triple Crown). He did all this while missing years of his prime to fly fighter planes in WWII and Korea.

3)1980s-Magic Johnson & Larry Bird--The NBA's golden age reflected the prosperity of the nation under the Reagan administration. The Lakers coached by Pat Riley embodied the speed that the country was moving at, while the Celtics was a model of the politics. Bird and the Celtics were a conservative body, while Magic and the Lakers were liberal and tightly controlled.


This brings me to our era. I'm not sure want it'll be called (somehow I see vh1 running a special "I Love the '00s" in about 5 years), but before I've called it the Era of Predictable Disillsionment,a decade in which many long-standing fears about how America works (and what America has come to represent) were gradually -- and then suddenly -- hammered into the collective consciousness of just about everyone, including all the people who hadn't been paying attention to begin with. As these future historians try to explain what was wrong with the world in the early 21st century, I suspect they will use Barry Bonds. Here was a man accomplishing unbelievable things -- things so unbelievable that they literally should not have been believed, even as they were happening. But we did not really believe or disbelieve. We just sort of watched it happen, and then we watched it get out of control, and then we expressed shock without feeling a grain of surprise, and then we tried to figure out how we were supposed to reconcile an alien reality we unconsciously understood all along. Perfect examples of this outside the realm of sports are probably the Enron scandal and possibly the Iraq War.

David Grann's 2002 profile of Bonds in The New York Times Magazine was titled "Baseball Without Metaphor." It ended with a rhetorical query. "But for the moment, as the crowd settled back into its seats, there were no heroes or demons."

lak attack

Cro-Magnon and the Geico Salesman playing Golf

So here are some (maybe all) of the Phil Simms/Geico Caveman golf skits in order, i only got to see the first one. But it was by far the best thing i saw on tv all day..except for when our sat. decided to change to beauty and the geek for some odd reason.

Publish

Here's the Caveman's Crib

Hunter the Punter

So...that was exciting in a placid sort of way

Anyway...on the verge of the big Superbowl party i was attending, i decided to be festive and wear a football jersey. No problem i happen to have 3 replica jerseys (sorry i'm not wealthy enough to have the real thing). So my decision is between Future hall of famer Troy Aikman and future hall of famer Emmitt Smith or door number 3 No. 3 from Notre Dame..who i like to think is Joe Montana. But anyway...i settle on ol' No. 3 fro ND.. and decide that i could only wear it if i knew of any players in the Superbowl who played at ND. So i scour ESPN's roster archives and find 3...total... yea...not what they used to be....moving on. So i pick the best player out of the 3 and root for him the entire time...and that leaves everyone wondering why i was cheering every Colts Punt.

Hunter Smith, Punter Indianapolis Colts Notre Dame class of '99

No Worries

Electric Turbo

Thank God For The Halfback Option Pass

With the big game only a couple of days away, i am still hearing talk about Peyton Manning not being able to win the big game, and as far as i know he can't or at least hasn't yet. But the funny thing is Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP and Rex Grossman is probably bottom 5...but he's 15 and 3. It seems he backed into that record, but if you think about it...Rex Grossman has the better probablity to win the big game...Because Chi town's Big D? No, because of Peyton's Self Destruction? No, Because if Grossman doesn't do it no one from Florida ever will.

Grossman in his 4th season is probably the most successful Florida Quarterback (Post UF)

| G | Comp Att PCT YD Y/A TD INT |
| 24 | 367 675 54.4 4496 6.7 27 26 |

With One team, he's no Mormon (Jim McMahon) but he can sure party like he has 5 wives.

Florida's brightest shining light was by far Danny Wuerffel. Wuerffel's last season at florida he went 12 and 1, he won the Heisman, Maxwell, Camp, O'Brien, and the Johnny Unitas Award. Hell, Peyton Manning went 11 and 2, finished 2nd in Heisman voting, Won the Maxwell and O'Brien. Danny Wuerffel was on pace to be Peyton Manning...but then the NFL happened...

Wuerffel

| G | Comp Att PCT YD Y/A TD INT |
| 23 | 184 350 52.6 2123 6.1 12 22

2 teams, 4 seasons

He's probably a nice guy though.


Other Florida Stars

Steve Spurrier - 1 Team, 10 Seasons

| G | Comp Att PCT YD Y/A TD INT |
| 106 | 597 1151 51.9 6878 6.0 40 60 |


Shane Matthews - 3 Teams, 7 Seasons

| G | Comp Att PCT YD Y/A TD INT |
| 36 | 492 839 58.6 4756 5.7 31 24 |

John Reaves - 4 Teams, 9 Seasons

| G | Comp Att PCT YD Y/A TD INT |
| 51 | 286 616 46.4 3617 5.9 17 34

Jesse Palmer - eeeh

What's the point, he didn't even score on The Bachelor

Just for fun Here is Peyton Manning's Stats...so Far



Manning

| G | Comp Att PCT YD Y/A TD INT
| 144 | 3131 4890 64.0 37586 7.7 275 139

Yea...Rockstar...Johnny Unitas eat your heart out.

Bears By 4

No Worries

Electric Turbo

The Biggest Game of the Year

I should really pick the Bears.
It seems that the entire free world is picking the Colts to be the victors in Super Bowl XLI, and, well--when it comes to sports prognosticating--there isn't to much benefit to agreeing with the consensus: people who get rich through predicting the future live off the upsets. If I predict that Indy will win Sunday, it won't even matter if I get the score exactly right; I will simply be one of many, many people who had (roughly) the same idea. A clever person would absolutely take Chicago in a blowout.
But I am not clever.
Indy will win, and I don't think it'll be very close. The final score might look reasonable, but the outcome of the game will never really be in question. And this, I suspect, will be the sequence of events:

1)The Colts will jump out to an early lead by scoring on defense. Most likely the result of a play involving Bob Sanders, but part of me really wants it to be Booger McFarland. Putting Indy in an early 7-0 lead.

2)The Bears will not respond with poise. They will pass left when they shouldn't have, they will out think themselves and play against their strengths (which sometimes happens when pro teams have two weeks to prepare, they over-scout themselves and go against what they do best).

3)Indy will score again. Most likely on a play action play where Manning throws a 40 yard bomb where Reggie Wayne burns Peyton's illegitimate brother Ricky, extending Indy's early lead to 14-0.

4)With its back firmly against the wall, Chicago will start to move the pigskin. On the shoulders of Thomas Jones, they will drive down to the Colts 10. But then Sexy Rexy will make a critical mistake; he will miss Mushin Muhammad in the end zone or he will take an unnecessary sack. The Bears will settle for a field goal, making the score 14-3 at the end of one quarter.

5)At this point, the game will be over. If the Colts get a two-touchdown lead early (and I predict they will), the totality of the contest will rest on Chicago's ability to cut that lead in half as soon as possible. If the Colts take an 11-point advantage into the meat of the game, they will just hand the ball to Joseph Addai as much as humanly possible, and throw it to one of their receivers on any 3rd down. Chicago will put up some meaningless numbers late in the night, but the only people who'll care are those who bet on the over/under. Indy wins 34-20, but it will never feel that close.

In other Super Bowl related news, when Peyton Manning gets his MVP and a reporter asks him how it feels I predict he will shock America by saying, "To be honest, kind of itchy."

*Super Bowl Side Notes*

Super Bowl commercials always seem to be one of the most spoken about topic for a good time after the game. Sure, there's always the hilarious beer commercials and the like. But what I have a problem with is all the other commercials for things like cialus, anti-balding remedies, and beef. The NFL must think that all of it's fans are balding, impotent, carnivores.

Super Bowl halftime shows seem to be getting worse and worse every year. No other sport seems to be more confused as to the makeup of its' fanbase. One year it's N'Sync with Britney Spears and Aerosmith(?), then JT and Janet Jackson ruin things for everybody, Paul McCartney for a Super Bowl (seriously?), the Rolling Stones (a great band but they knew everyone wanted to hear "Satisfaction", "Just a Shot Away", and one of their other classic songs, but instead they chose to play songs off of their new album...lame), and now Prince? Prince is alright, but he'll likely play new songs nobody has ever heard over old one's people know. Oh, and they had Gloria Estefan...twice (borderline unforgiveable).

The Super Bowl finally returns to a site worthy of it's excellence. As a football fan, if my team had made the Super Bowl, and I had a chance to see them live and in person then remembered it was in a place like Detroit or New York in the middle of winter? Let's just say I would be less than pleased. For years, I have been in favor of a 4 stadium rotation for the Super Bowl with Miami, San Diego, New Orleans, and Arizona sharing the load. It should only be places where there would be a bachelor party taking place or a season of "The Real World" (I would never say to a friend, "Hey, I know where we could go...Jacksonville!) My only exception to this rotation is the possiblity of Las Vegas. Renovate UNLV's stadium to give it that ability and you're off. People would say the players would be more distracted. More distracted than they are in South Beach? Really? The Super Bowl is no longer a sports event or any other kind except for an event-driven event. The game isn't as important as the fact that the game is happening. That, combined with Las Vegas...it would be a beautiful thing.

Lak Attack

Brand New

Hey, thanks for stopping by our 3rd Grade Science Project. If you are wondering if it is actually a science project for third graders you might be a little retarded....but hey that's ok, because we don't discriminate. What actually makes us different that your third grade science project is that your dad won't be helping us.

Anyway, we will be writing about various topics, such as sports, politics, women, technology, and just about any other random thing we can cram in here. Basically it's societal observation, but who's counting?

Our goal is to be slightly less entertaining than Moe Sizlack


I'll leave you with the first thing we ever collaborated on, some facts about our mutual buddy Curt


Facts about Curt, supreme leader of the universe and the reason women have vaginas.



1) Every time curt masturbates 30 women come as well.

2) Curt doesn't have pick up lines, or does he need them, he just blinks.

3) Curt doesn't need blankets to keep warm; he has enough freshman girls.

4) Only mentioning Curt's name will make every girl in a 10-mile radius remove her clothing.

5) Curt once won an award for amount of pussy, but it was retract once it was discovered he didn't have any cats.

6) If you are foolish enough to challenge him, Curt will have sex with your girlfriend, mother, sister and any combination of friend’s mothers or sisters that you have before you finish speaking.

7) Curt’s name isn't even Curt, it's King Curtis of all people who walk the earth, but curt is modest.

8) Everything Yoda knows he learned from Curt...except his poor grammar.

9) At Christmas time Curt stands naked upon the roof of the first mini cooper he sees and challenges Zeus to a game of scattergories and he always wins.

10) God and Curt once made a bet for the souls of all mankind, Curt won, he still hasn't decided what to do with all the souls.

11) Curt invented the Mullet.

12) If you don't know where your girlfriend is, she is at Curt's

13) Curt is so secure in his manhood that he wears the color pink without fear and if you make fun of him for it he will fuck your girlfriend and his friends will kick your ass.

14) Curt's Firebird runs on pheromones and broken hearts.

15) Curt can speak 276 different languages including unicorn and he can make them all sounds oh so sexy.

16) God was Curt's 3rd grade science project.

17) Curt once had a threesome with the Virgin Mary and the Tooth Fairy.

18) When a tree falls down in the woods and no one is there to hear it curt hears it.

19) Curt read my history textbook in .0025 seconds.

20) Curt is google and google is Curt.

21) Fool Curt once, shame on you: fool him twice; he will use your spine as dental floss.

22) Everything tastes like chicken cause curt told us so.

23) Curt Invented STD's to knock us down a few pegs.

24) Switzerland maintains its' neutral status mostly to prevent Curt from kicking the entire population's ass.

25) Earthquakes are caused by Curt and Chuck Norris battling underneath the earth's crust.



The Second Coming Of Curt: He has made you come 10 times if you are a female age 18 – 35


1) Curt Plays Laser Tag with John Wilkes Booth and Surhan Surhan every other Saturday

2) Curt has all the number 1 pencils

3) Curt, Thank you for cheerleaders

4) Curt is buried in Grants tomb

5) Curt is currently in 1st place in the AL East

6) Jesus is Curt’s stunt double

7) The movie Fight Club was a documentary of Curt’s life shot in real time (tone down a little)

8) Curt was the original composer of the Super Mario Bros. Soundtrack

9) Then end result of Project Mayham was Curt.

10) Curt is Up, Down, Left, Right, A, B, A, B, Select, Left, Right in Nintendo

11) A Stripper is in Love with Curt

12) A squared + B squared = Curt, Look it up

13) Ashton Kutcher once tried to punk Curt, what followed is what can be called Ashton Kutcher’s career.

14) Curt is the antidote for yellow fever

15) Curt left home without his American Express card

16) Curt Saved Private Ryan

17) Curt has an honorary seat at the UN Council…and that makes china nervous

18) Curt’s penis has a Hemi

19) If Curt was in Iowa, there would be more corn

No Worries

Electric Turbo